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Thread: Joke of the day

  1. #41
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    An elderly gent was invited to his old friends' home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy addressed his wife with endearing terms -- calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years, and they were still very clearly in love.



    While the wife was off in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his buddy, "I think it's wonderful that, after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those loving pet names."



    The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth, he said.



    "I forgot her name about ten years ago."

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    A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. This new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business! The new CEO walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, how much money do you make a week?"

    A little surprised, the young fellow looked at him and replied, "I make $300 a week. Why?"

    The CEO then handed the guy $1,200 in cash and screamed, "Here's Four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back."

    Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?!"

    From across the room came a voice, "He was the pizza delivery guy from Domino's."

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    George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech.
    After his talk he offers question time.

    One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is. "Bob".
    "And what is your question, Bob?"

    "I have 3 questions.
    First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
    Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?
    And third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?

    Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

    When they resume George says, "OK, where were we?
    Oh that's right --- question time. Who has a question?"

    A different little boy puts up his hand . George points him out and asks him what his name is. "Steve"
    "And what is your question, Steve?"

    "I have 5 questions.
    First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
    Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?
    Third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?
    Fourth, Why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?!
    And fifth, Where is "Bob"? !!

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    LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that was soooooooo good Mooon. thanks for making my day!
    \'In Your name O Allaah, I live and die.\'

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    >One day George Bush was sitting in his oval buisness when his secretary
    > came in.
    >
    >The secretary informed Bush that "3 brazilian soldiers has been killed
    > in an ambush"
    >
    >Upon hearing this news Bush's face began to sadden and began to sob and
    > then a burst into tears.
    >
    >The secretary asked why he was crying.
    >
    >Bush replied "Bill, that is awful news, but please tell me something"
    >
    >"What is it sir?"
    >
    >"How many zeros are there in one Brazillion??"
    "He who kneels before Allah (SWT) can stand before anyone."

  6. #46
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    The Russian president is in India for defense talks. He's riding around with the Indian PM in his limo when he sees a man 'doing his business' (to put it politely) by the side of the road. The Russian president points this out, but all the Indian PM can do is give an embarassed shrug.

    A few months later, the Indian PM is in Russia for talks. He and the Russian president are riding around in his limo when the Indian PM spots a man 'doing his business' by the side of the road. The Indian PM smugly points this out to the Russian president. The Russian president says to the limo driver, "Stop the car, get out and shoot that man by the side of the road." So the driver cocks his pistol, gets out and approaches the man. They exchange a few words and the driver walks back to the car. When the driver gets back in, the Russian president angrily shouts, "Why didn't you shoot him!?", to which the driver responds, "I can't shoot that man. He's the Indian ambassador!"

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    Talking

    Queen Elizabeth, Clinton & Sharoon died & went straight to hell.

    Queen Elizabeth said "I miss England, I want to call England and see how everybody is doing there.

    She called and talked for about 5 minutes, then she asked "Well, devil how much do I owe you?

    The devil says "Five million dollars"

    She wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.

    Clinton was soo jealous, he starts screaming, "My turn! I wanna call the United States, I want to see how everybody is doing there too"

    He called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he asked "Well, devil how much do I owe you?

    The devil says "Ten million dollars"

    With a smug look on his face, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his chair.

    Sharoon was even more jealous & starts screaming, "I want to call Israil too, I wanna talk to the ministers, to the deputy, I wanna talk to everybody of my Parliment".....

    He called Israil and he talked for about twenty hours, he talked & talked & talked, then he asked "Well, devil how much do I owe you?

    The devil says "Twenty dollars".

    Sharoon is stunned & says "Twenty dollars??? Only ??"

    The devil says "Well if you make a call from one hell to another hell, it's local".

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    Talking

    TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your Maths sums on the floor?
    CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!

    TEACHER: What is the chemical formula forwater?
    SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!
    TEACHER: What are you talking about?
    SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

    TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
    GEORGE: Here it is!
    TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
    CLASS: George!


    TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we
    didn't have ten years ago.
    WILLY: Me!


    SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
    FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
    SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.


    TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
    ELLEN: I is...
    TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
    ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."


    MOTHER: Why did you swallow the money I gave you?
    JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.


    TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges
    in the other, what would I have?
    CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands

  9. #49
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    oh my goodness, those were so good. i liked the one with whats the chemical formula for water - H to O....LOOOOL
    \'In Your name O Allaah, I live and die.\'

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    Smile



    Ha Ha, Those were funny Mooon
    If Allah is with you, then whom do you have to fear,
    If Allah is against you, then what hope do you have.

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    Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
    Pupil : "A teacher".


    Teacher : "Tom, you talk a lot !"
    Tom : "It's a family tradition".
    Teacher : "What do you mean?"
    Tom : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
    Teacher : "What about your mother?"
    Tom : "She's a woman".

    Teacher : "Now, Tom, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
    Tom : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

    Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
    Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

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    School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

    Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

    Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

    Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

    Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.

    Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

    Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

    Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

    Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

    Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

    Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions

  13. #53
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    Wink A few more......

    Boss :
    Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

    Cigarette :
    A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.

    Conference :
    The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

    Compromise :
    The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

    Conference Room :
    A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

    Classic :
    A book which people praise, but do not read.

    Criminal :
    A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

    Committee :
    Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

    Experience :
    The name men give to their mistakes.

    Father :
    A banker provided by nature.

    Lecture:
    An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
    If Allah is with you, then whom do you have to fear,
    If Allah is against you, then what hope do you have.

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    Father :
    A banker provided by nature.
    This one is funny because my daughter sana really thinks Mommy can buy anything with her check book. last weekend we were on our way home and there were some open houses. there was this one over $1million and i said to my husband let go see what it looks like inside just for fun. So we all went in and Sana fell in love with the house.The realtor was sitting there and sana said we like the place. "Mom can you write him a check"

  15. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shadiya
    Father :
    A banker provided by nature.
    This one is funny because my daughter sana really thinks Mommy can buy anything with her check book. last weekend we were on our way home and there were some open houses. there was this one over $1million and i said to my husband let go see what it looks like inside just for fun. So we all went in and Sana fell in love with the house.The realtor was sitting there and sana said we like the place. "Mom can you write him a check"

    LOL

    Is Sana your youngest child?
    If Allah is with you, then whom do you have to fear,
    If Allah is against you, then what hope do you have.

  16. #56
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    She's 7 going on 17. My little con artist.

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    Talking Continued....

    Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

    Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

    Opportunist : A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

    Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says midway "See I am not injured yet."

    Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

    Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

    Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.

    Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
    If Allah is with you, then whom do you have to fear,
    If Allah is against you, then what hope do you have.

  18. #58
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    LOL SIS SHADIYA!!!
    i think when were kidz we all tend to think our parents are loaded,LOL!!!
    My mum always says to me "DOES IT LOOK LIKE AV GOT A MONEY TREE PLANTED SOMEWHERE" &then my dad will say the same to her,LOL!!!


    A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his car.

    The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hello Doctor! Please come on over here for a minute."

    The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this here. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when both of us are doing basically the same work?"

    The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic "Try doing it with the engine running."
    ان الله لا ينظر الى صوركم و اموالكم و لكن ينظر الى قلو بكم واعمالكم

    Allah does not look at your faces nor your wealth, but looks at your hearts and your actions!!!

  19. #59
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    hahahaha nice one Talibah..

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    Talking

    John was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

    Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up tequila."

    Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

    John looked up again and said, "Never mind. I found one."


 

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