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Thread: Joke of the day

  1. #1
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    Talking Joke of the day

    A man checked into a hotel.

    There was a computer in his room. So he decided to send an E-MAIL to his wife.

    However he accidently typed the wrong e-mail address and without realising his error, he sent the message.

    Meanwhile, somewhere in mumbai a widow had just returned home from her husband's funrel.

    The widow decided to check her mail, expecting condolence messages from her relatives and friends.

    After reading the first message she fainted.

    The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

    To: My loving wife

    Subject: I've just reached

    Date: 1st Jan 2007

    I know you are surprised to hear from me.

    They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones.

    I've just reached and have been checked in.

    I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tommorrow.

    Looking forward to seeing you.

    Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was

  2. #2
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    LOL!!! can u imagine that,i dnt blame the poor women 4 fainting,LOL!!!
    Nice joke! Av not been in the very best of moods today & thats just cheered me up,JazaakAllaah Khair!
    ان الله لا ينظر الى صوركم و اموالكم و لكن ينظر الى قلو بكم واعمالكم

    Allah does not look at your faces nor your wealth, but looks at your hearts and your actions!!!

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    A disappointed salesman of Coca_Cola returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"

    The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters...

    First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... totally exhausted and panting. Second, the man is drinking our Cola. And third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place"

    "That should have worked," said the friend.

    The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left..."

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    When the man came home, his wife was crying. "Your mother insulted me," she sobbed.

    "My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the world?" the man asked.

    "I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious."

    "And?"

    "At the end of the letter she had written:
    PS. Dear Diane, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son."






    A Polish couple were delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them that they had a wonderful Russian baby boy and the couple took him without hesitation.

    On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?"

    The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby, and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mooon
    When the man came home, his wife was crying. "Your mother insulted me," she sobbed.

    "My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the world?" the man asked.

    "I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious."

    "And?"

    "At the end of the letter she had written:
    PS. Dear Diane, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son."






    A Polish couple were delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them that they had a wonderful Russian baby boy and the couple took him without hesitation.

    On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?"

    The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby, and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him."
    loll good ones
    "He who kneels before Allah (SWT) can stand before anyone."

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    Wonderful jokes
    Are you sure that you will not die today

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    husband and wife have an argument.

    husbannd says out of anger
    I was an idiot when I married you!

    wife replies:


    I was in love with you at the time, I didn't notice!

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    Talking Cool Meanings

    Cool Meanings
    Cigarette:
    A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

    Love affairs:
    Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.

    Marriage:
    It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

    Divorce:
    Future tense of marriage


    Compromise:
    The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.


    Dictionary:
    A place where divorce comes before marriage.

    Conference Room:
    A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.


    Classic:
    A book which people praise, but do not read.

    Smile:
    A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

    Office:
    A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

    Yawn:
    The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

    Etc:
    A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

    Committee:
    Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

    Experience:
    The name men give to their mistakes.

    Atom Bomb:
    An invention to end all inventions.

    Philosopher:
    A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.


    Optimist:
    A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.

    Pessimist:
    A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY

    Miser:
    A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

    Father:
    A banker provided by nature.

    Criminal:
    A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

    Boss:
    Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

    Politician:
    One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

    Doctor:
    A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

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    A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

    The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

    Have you any grounds? - Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

    No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? - It made of concrete.

    I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge? - No, we have carport, and not need one.

    I mean. What are your relations like? - All my relations still in Poland.

    Is there any infidelity in your marriage? - We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

    Does your wife beat you up? - No, I always up before her.

    Is your wife a nagger? - No, she white.

    Why do you want this divorce? - She going to kill me.

    What makes you think that? - I got proof.

    What kind of proof? - She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover"

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mooon
    it say: "Polish Remover"
    Ha ha ha that was really funny

  11. #11
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    Mooon those last 2 post were the funnest!


    -Z.Shadow-
    I am on a Quest, and rather you realize it or not you are too! This Quest is called life! It is best to be aware of your surroundings whilst being on this quest, other wise, it could be quite dangerous!



    P.S. The reason why I use (!) so much is because I like the way it looks, weird I know!

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    i totally loved the Polish one! soooo goood!!
    \'In Your name O Allaah, I live and die.\'

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mooon
    A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

    The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

    Have you any grounds? - Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

    No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? - It made of concrete.

    I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge? - No, we have carport, and not need one.

    I mean. What are your relations like? - All my relations still in Poland.

    Is there any infidelity in your marriage? - We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

    Does your wife beat you up? - No, I always up before her.

    Is your wife a nagger? - No, she white.

    Why do you want this divorce? - She going to kill me.

    What makes you think that? - I got proof.

    What kind of proof? - She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover"
    ROFL!!
    "He who kneels before Allah (SWT) can stand before anyone."

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    A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.

    "You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move.



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    Talking

    A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."



    The woman freed the frog, and the frog said,
    "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"


    The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

    The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most
    handsome man in the world.

    The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me.she's the most beautiful Woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.


    The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."


    The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." she's the richest woman in the world!

    The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a
    mild heart attack."








    Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

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    Talking

    Chinese speaking to a Chinese operator:

    Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?
    Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
    Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
    Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
    Caller: I'm Sum Wan .And I need to talk to
    Annie Wan! It's urgent.
    Operator: I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

    Caller: Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother,Noe Wan
    was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being
    sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

    Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital
    from the accident that isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious
    but I don't have time for this!
    Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
    Operator: I'm Saw Lee.

    Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

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    LOOOOOOL!!!!
    my sat here in histerics n my mum thinks av gone mad!!!
    ان الله لا ينظر الى صوركم و اموالكم و لكن ينظر الى قلو بكم واعمالكم

    Allah does not look at your faces nor your wealth, but looks at your hearts and your actions!!!

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    One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."

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    Talking The Perfect Husband

    The Perfect Husband

    ...Several men are in the changing room of a golf club.
    A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk.
    Everyone else in the room stops to listen.


    MAN: "Hello"

    WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"

    MAN: "Yes "

    WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only 1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

    MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

    WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and
    saw the new 2005 >models. I saw one I really liked."

    MAN: "How much?"

    WOMAN: "70,000"

    MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

    WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking 950,000"

    MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price.

    "WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
    MAN: "Bye! I love you, too. "


    The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring
    at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....














    He smiles and asks:























    "Anyone knows who this phone belongs to??"

  20. #20
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    Aww,lol! now dat is tight!
    ان الله لا ينظر الى صوركم و اموالكم و لكن ينظر الى قلو بكم واعمالكم

    Allah does not look at your faces nor your wealth, but looks at your hearts and your actions!!!


 

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