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  1. #1
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    Default Quick marriage proposal

    hi

    I registered on a single muslim dating site and wondering if I can get some advice.

    First of all I am a new muslim. I want to be married. However I do not know if this sudden marriage proposal is something that happens often or not.

    I met this man 2 weeks ago on a single muslim site. Already (2 weeks later) he has asked me to marry him. He is from Egypt. So I have told him that I need to think about this first. He says that is fine but that he wants me to say yes otherwise I will break his heart. Says he cannot live without me. So I asked him if I do go there to live with him what can I expect. He says that I will be free to do whatever I want. That strikes me as odd since in many Islamic countries women cannot always do what they want. He told me that if I decide to come there with him that I am not allowed to tell anyone that I am going there. He says once I arrive then we can contact my parents. That part scared me a little. I asked him why and he just said that if I tell someone that I am going there with him they may try to stop me. That is odd thinking considering I am of legal age and do not need consent to leave my country (Canada).
    Another thing that is bothering me about him is that he likes to talk about sex and what he will do once I am there with him. I thought in Islam we should not be so friendly with the opposite sex until after we are to be married. As well he calls me all sorts of sweet names (as a husband would call his wife).
    To me it seems a little scary. But maybe I am over reacting. Maybe he does love me. He is very nice to me.
    Please someone help me figure out what to do.

  2. #2
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    Default

    Muslimah31, welcome to NetMuslims.

    As someone who has been married for a while now, alhamdulillah, I can offer the following advice:

    1) I wouldn't recommend a single dating Web site as a safe means of finding a spouse. People can tell all kinds of lies when they post on such sites. He might be already married, looking for a second wife. He could be considerably older than what he claims. There is no way for such kind of Web sites to confirm someone's information.

    2) I would recommend marrying someone with a similar background as you. By this, I don't mean that they should be the same ethnicity, but someone who was raised in the same locale as you. When two people get married, the families are getting married to each other. It's a good idea if both families had similar backgrounds to avoid awkwardness when visiting the in-laws.

    3) You want to get to know a person before jumping into a marriage. It's not like buying a car or computer. You can't just take it back to the shop if you're not happy with it. Even before getting engaged, the two families should get together and allow the potential couple to sit with each other and ask all of life's important questions. It is important to have similar goals and values as your potential spouse. Not breaking someone's heart is not a sufficient enough reason to marry someone.

  3. #3
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    Assalamu'aliakum,

    Welcome to Netmuslims. I don't think much of those kinds of sites either, like brother Hussein said you never know what your really getting into. Have you noticed there are a lot of things about this that bother you, I'd say that's proof right there that something may not be right about this. you should definitely think this through.
    "The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger." (Sahih Al Bukhari Vol 8. No.135)

  4. #4
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    salaams,

    welcome. I wouldn't go for the guy. Although there are good guys in every country, most FOBs in these cases can't be trusted, especially after what you have said about him. A weak minded fool or trickster would say he has fallen for you in a week and would die if you don't marry him. And the fact he is have talks with you on sex shows his lack of sincerity towards you or his religion. You should visit your local mosque and get to know the sisters there and have them help you find someone suitable in your locality. Also, seek out the imam or his wife to talk to them for help as well.

  5. #5
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    Default

    Thanks everyone for your advise.
    My main concern is that he wants me to move to a foreign country with him and not tell anyone that I am going there with him. I asked him why should I not tell anyone and he said because they may not let you come here. Not even able to tell my parents. He lives in the middle east. I am in Canada. He also does not want me to tell anyone about him. That definently does not sound right to me.
    I do not live near a mosque. I live in a very small Northern community. However, I will be leaving here soon. I may just end this relationship and move to a city here closer to muslim brothers and sisters. Then I will be able to get to know people first. This may be best.

  6. #6
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    Yes, i forgot to mention that part as well. Anyone that tells you to go to their country without telling anyone can't be trusted, especially if a guy is asking a girl and wants to be remain unknown to everyone. It's just too fishy.

    Moving to a Muslim populated area is better idea, this way you will be able to mingle in the community and be able to better understand Muslims of different backgrounds and be in better position to find someone suitable inshallah. What city do you plan on moving to? if you want i could try to get you connected to a few sisters there.

  7. #7
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    Assalam Alikum sister, quick marriage proposal is not bad thing but it can be difficult when both are not living in the same country or city. This is true that you can not trust any stranger who is not belong to your family. Person who is living in the same area you are living, can be easy to get information about him.


 

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