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  1. #1
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    Question Marriage is half of the deen for EVERYONE? HELP!

    Asalaamu alaikum. This my first post. I wanted to know about the exceptions to marriage being mandatory. I am a Muslimah in my early 20s and have no intention whatsoever of getting married, but it is not because I don't want to. I have pretty severe skin deformities caused by several different skin problems. And I don't mean something like acne or Eczema, its much much worst than a common skin problem. It even affects my hair follicles. However its not bad enough on my face that it is very noticeable, so people don't understand the extent of the problem. I'm even told that I am very beautiful.
    I'm pretty sure I could get married if I tried, but I think it would be unfair to a potential husband. Even if I explained the situation, it would still be a shock after marriage, and it is not something I believe anyone could overlook. Every other way I'm pretty healthy.

    In advance of the usual comments, I just want to say that I've heard i all. From "There is someone out there for everyone" To "If he is a good brother he will not care" To "The most important things are Iman, piety and chastity" And "We should not marry for physical beauty anyway."
    I realize the reasons for marriage, but we can not overlook the importance of physical attraction either. This used to upset me a lot when I was younger. I do not want to be alone for the rest of my life, and I would very much like to have children. But over the years I have tried to realize and except that marriage is just not something I was meant to do in my life. But it bothers me much more to know that marriage is half the deen and that is a very important part of Islam, when realistically, it is not something I will be able to complete.
    So, long story short, I would like to know if there is an exception for people like me, so that it will not be a penalty on me for not getting married.
    Thanks to everyone who read this whole post and for any help and advice.

    Asalaamualaikum Warahmatullah

  2. #2
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    Walaikum Assalam, and welcome to Netmuslims.

    I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but lets put aside the marriage thing for now. What I would like to know is have you done any research on your skin disorder, and if so have you thought about possible natural cures for it? Maybe there's a problem with your immune system. What exactly is the disorder you have called? I would like to do some research on it myself if that's okay? If I were you I would definitely look into some possible natural alternatives that maybe of some use, sometimes conventional medicines aren't always the answer. Your diet could also play a role in it, remember Allah says for every disease there is a cure and the cure is in the earth. Trust in Allah sis and make dua, I believe that anything is possible. Whatever you do don't give up because when you lose hope, you lose faith.
    "The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger." (Sahih Al Bukhari Vol 8. No.135)

  3. #3
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    Welcome to NetMuslims, Ano123. It's been a while since we have actually had serious questions.

    Sis Nur has given some good advice (as usual, alhamdulillah).

    A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) reported that Allah’s Messenger (May Allah’s Peace and Blessings be upon him) said “Marriage is a sunnah (way) of mine; and whoever does not follow my Sunnah is not of my followers..."

    The exception to this is the man who cannot afford to get married, because he has no money. But even then, he is permitted to borrow what he needs to get married.

  4. #4
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    Yes I have heard of this hadith. But besides financial difficulties, there are dozens of situation where marriage is much less of a possibility even than mine. What about Muslims who have down syndrome or severe autism or below the neck paralysis. These are just a few of the situations where realistically, marriage is improbable. I personally know a Muslim sister with a facial deformity who has been trying to get married for at least 10 years. Everything usually goes fine until she meets the brother, then he is not interested anymore. And I also know of a few Muslims with health problems who have never gotten married, and not for a lack of trying. So are they not a follower of the Prophet(pbu) because of something they had no control over, because of something given to them by Allah? From my understanding a sunnah is not fardh, meaning you do not have to do it. Which is why I am confused by this hadith and by similar ones involving marriage. This has led me to think that this hadith must only be speaking about Muslims who are physically and mentally able to marry, and who would be in danger of committing a sin if they did not marry, but not as a general rule for every Muslim.

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    If someone has an intention of getting married and has not been successful it is different than someone who has no intention at all, because it is not one of their life goals.

    From my understanding a sunnah is not fardh, meaning you do not have to do it.
    Sunnah is the tradition of the prophet. That tradition can be something that is required, or fard. The five prayers are the tradition of the prophet. It is something that he did. But it is not optional. It is mandatory. Just like the beard is a sunnah, in the sense that he kept a beard. Yet, it is an obligation, because he commanded the believing men to keep a beard. So the beard, for example, is a Sunnah and a Wajib.

    Some Sunnahs are optional. They are rewarded if they are done, but you are not punished for not doing them. There is another classification known as "Sunnah Mu'akadah". This means that it is highly encouraged to perform these Sunnahs, such as two rik'ah after Salatul Maghrib. It is not Haram to skip this Sunnah, but you will be asked about why you did not perform them.

    For marriage, if a person has the intention of getting married, but is unable to, they will not be held accountable (Wallahu 'Alim).

    Incidentally, there are lots of people with Downs Syndrome or deformities that are married and lead normal, happy lives.

    I recommend watching this video. It will restore your faith in the human spirit.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Hussein View Post
    Incidentally, there are lots of people with Downs Syndrome or deformities that are married and lead normal, happy lives.
    I am very much aware that people with Downs syndrome or deformities get married. I apologize if my comment seemed like I felt it was impossible. My point was that It makes getting married that much harder, to the extent that many never get married because of their conditions.

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    (1) We as a Muslim believe in Qadr (destiny).
    (2) We should never lose hope in Allah’s Mercy. Everything is in Allah’s Wisdom and Mercy.
    (3) Life is a test. We have to struggle to succeed all the time with different types of tests.
    (4) There is a cure for diseases. When Allah’s help comes, no difficulty should stop you to marry.
    (5) There is a no guarantee for anybody to be happy in any marriage.

    Please try your best with Dua’s.InshAllah you will be successful and happy with whatever Allah has decides for you,
    Never lose hope in Allah’s mercy.

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    As'salaamu alaikum,

    As others have stated, it is from the sunnah to get married. There are no exceptions in Islam for certain individuals, Islam is universal and for all equally. That being said, when something is said or stated it is usually in the context of all things being normal. For those where things are not normal then of course there is some difficulty.

    There is a difference between not being able to get married and choosing not get married. Of course you will have difficulty in getting married but as you stated, you can get married if you try. Look at the sister you mentioned who has been trying for 10 years. Whether she gets married or not, she doesn't know what is written in her Qadr but she is trying and rather than saying I won't get married because i'm lacking in some way. We should try our best to follow the Quran and the Sunnah, how much we are able to will vary person to person but the important thing is that to keep at it. Now you may never get married because of your skin or you may get married, you don't know. It's not for you to decide to get married or not, you should still be open to the possibility. If you get married inshallah then it's great, if it doesn't happen then you get your reward for trying and having patience. As for the unfair part, let's face it, we are not kids here. If someone doesn't want to marry you because of your condition then they won't, but if someone does then they are well aware of what they are signing up for and have made that decision consciously. You should not belittle them or their judgement thinking it's unfair to them.

    So bottom line is that you should not rule out marriage nor give up on it because of your condition but rather try to get married & try to follow this sunnah. inshallah either you will get married or you may not, you're job is to always have an open mind and know that whatever happens is Qadr of Allah and He will judge only of what you are capable of.

  9. #9
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    Indeed there is no doubt that when man marries, he fulfilled half of his religion.


 

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