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    Default How to raise righteous children

    fatwa # 10016:How to raise righteous children

    Question:

    I find disciplining my children difficult and often become angry and beat them. Can you give me any advice on the subject, as well as any books that would be appropriate to read?.

    Answer:

    Praise be to Allaah.

    Raising and educating children is one of the duties required of parents. Allaah has enjoined that in the Qur’aan, and the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) also enjoined that. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they are commanded” [al-Tahreem 66:6]

    Imam al-Tabari said, commenting on this verse:

    Here Allaah is saying: O you who believe in Allaah and His Messenger, “Ward off yourselves” teach one another that which will protect those who do it from the Fire and ward it off from them, if it is done in obedience to Allaah and they do it in obedience to Allaah. The phrase “and your families against a Fire” means, and teach your families to do acts of obedience to Allaah so that they may protect themselves from the Fire. Tafseer al-Tabari, 18/165

    Al-Qurtubi said:

    Muqaatil said: This is a duty that he owes to himself, his children, his family and his male and female slaves. Ilkiya said: We have to teach our children and families religious commitment and goodness, and what they cannot do without of etiquette. This is what Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And enjoin As-Salaat (the prayer) on your family, and be patient in offering them [i.e. the Salaat (prayers)]” [Ta-Ha 20:132]

    And Allaah said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) (interpretation of the meaning): “And warn your tribe (O Muhammad) of near kindred” [al-Shu’ara’ 26:214]

    And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “And teach them (children) to pray when they are seven years old.” Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 18/196

    The Muslim – any Muslim – is a daa’iyah who calls people to Allaah, so the first people whom he calls should be his children and family who are close to him. When Allaah commanded His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to call people, He said (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And warn your tribe (O Muhammad) of near kindred” [al-Shu’ara’ 26:214] because they are the first people to whom he should do good and show mercy.

    The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) gave the parents the responsibility of raising the children and made that obligatory upon them.

    It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ruler is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his family and is responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s household and is responsible for her flock. A servant is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for his flock.” He said: and I think he said, “A man is the shepherd of his father’s wealth and is responsible for his flock. Each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 583; Muslim, 1829.

    Part of your duty is to bring them up from a young age to love Allaah and His Messenger and to love the teachings of Islam. You should tell them that Allaah has a Paradise and a Hell; that His Hell is hot and its fuel is men and stones. The following story contains an important lesson.

    Ibn al-Jawzi said:

    There was a king who had a lot of wealth, and he had a daughter and no other children. He loved her very much, and he used to let her enjoy all kinds of entertainment. This went on for a long time. Beside the king there lived a devoted worshipper, and whilst he was reciting one night, he raised his voice saying, “O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones “ [al-Tahreem 66:6 – interpretation of the meaning]. The girl heard his recitation and said to her servants, “Stop!” But they did not stop. The worshipper started to repeat the verse, and the girl kept telling them to stop, but they did not stop. She put her hands to her collar and tore her garment, and they went to her father and told him the story. He went to her and said, “My dear, what happened to you tonight? What made you weep?” and he hugged her. She said, “I ask you by Allaah, O my father, to tell me, does Allaah have a Fire the fuel of which is men and stones?” He said, “Yes.” She asked him, “Why did you not tell me? By Allaah I will not eat any good food or sleep on any soft bed until I know whether my abode is in Paradise or Hell.” Safwat al-Safwah, 4/437-438

    You have to keep them away from the places of immorality and misguidance; do not leave them to grow up with evil things from the television etc, then after that expect them to be righteous, for whoever sows thorns cannot harvest grapes. That should be done when they are young, so that it will be easy for them when they grow up, and they will get used to it, and it will be easy for you to tell them what to do and what not to do, and it will be easy for them to obey you.

    It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Teach your children to pray when they are seven years old, and smack them if they do not do so when they are ten, and separate them in their beds.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 495; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5868

    But the educator must be merciful, forbearing, easy-going and approachable, not foul-mouthed or unkempt, arguing in a manner that is better, far removed from insulting, rebuking and beating, unless the child is one of those who willfully disobey and rejects his father’s commands and neglects his duties and does haraam things; in that case it is better to use stern measures with him, without causing him harm.

    Al-Minaawi said:

    For a father to discipline his child when he reaches the age of discernment [??] means that he should raise him with the characteristics of the righteous believers and protect him from mixing with evildoers; he should teach him the Qur’aan and good manners and the language of the Arabs, let him hear the Sunnah and the sayings of the Salaf and teach him the religious rulings that he cannot do without. He should warn him then smack him if he does not pray etc. That will be better for him than giving a saa’ in charity, because if he teaches him properly, his actions will be among his ongoing charity, whereas the reward for a saa’ of charity is limited, but that will last as long as the child lives. Discipline is the nourishment of the soul, and training it for the Hereafter.

    “O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell)…” [al-Tahreem 66:6 – interpretation of the meaning]

    Protecting yourself and your family from it means reminding them of Hell. Discipline includes preaching, warning, threatening, smacking, detaining, giving and being kind. Disciplining one who is good and noble is different from disciplining one who is difficult and ignoble. Fayd al-Qadeer, 5/257

    Smacking is a means of correcting the child; it is not something that it wanted in and of itself, rather it is resorted to if the child is stubborn and disobedient.

    There is a system of punishment in Islam, and there are many punishments in Islam, such as the hadd punishments for adultery, theft, slander, etc. All of these are prescribed in order to set the people straight and put a stop to their evil.

    Concerning such matters the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) advised parents to deter their children from doing wrong.

    It was narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Hang your whip where the members of the household can see it, for that will discipline them.” Narrated by al-Tabaraani, 10/248; its isnaad was classed as hasan by al-Haythami in Majma’ al-Zawaa’id, 8/106 . Al-Albaani said in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 4022, it is hasan.

    So raising children should be a balance between encouragement and warning. The most important element of all is making the environment in which the children live a good one, by providing the means whereby they may be guided; this means that their educators should be religiously committed, including their parents.

    One of the ways in which a parent may be successful in raising his children is to use a cassette player to play tapes of teachings, Qur’aan recitation, khutbahs and lessons of scholars, for there are many available.

    With regard to the books that you asked about, which you can refer to with regard to raising children, we recommend the following:

    Books
    Tarbiyat al-Atfaal fi Rihaab al-Islam
    by Muhammad Haamid al-Naasir and Khawlah ‘Abd al-Qaadir Darweesh

    Kayfa yurabbi al-Muslim waladahu

    by Muhammad Sa’eed al-Mawlawi

    Tarbiyat al-Abna’ fi’l-Islam

    by Muhammad Jameel Zayno

    Kayfa nurabbi Atfaalana

    by Mahmoud Mahdi al-Istanbuli

    Mas’ooliyat al-Abb al-Muslim fi Tarbiyat al-Walad

    by ‘Adnaan Ba Haarith

    And Allaah knows best.


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    fatwa # 20872:Developing a girl’s self-confidence

    Question:

    My parents treated me very badly, to such an extent that I lost my self-confidence and became hesitant and fearful. I couldn’t do anything right and I did not know how to make a decision. I got married and Allaah has blessed me with a daughter. I want to avoid what happened to me so that this regrettable experience is not repeated with my daughter. What do you advise me to do?

    Answer:

    Praise be to Allaah.

    At the age of two, a child starts to form her attitude towards the world around her. Some developmental psychologists think that the sense of self-confidence is one of the first of these attitudes and the strength of these feelings at age 2 depends on the kind of care that the child receives and on the parents’ attitude in meeting her basic needs. At this stage the child shows signs of development by showing a desire for independence, as she needs the freedom to speak, walk and play. All of that is connected to the need to assert herself which can only be achieved by allowing her a measure of independence. This is confirmed by the theory of development through maturity which says that we should respect the child’s individuality and leave him or her to develop naturally. Some girls grow up lacking self-confidence so that they cannot rely upon themselves in any matter, major or minor. They rarely take any initiative and are always waiting for someone to say, “Do such and such.” If faced with a problem, such a girl will be unable to take any decision and may try to avoid confronting the problem, or start crying. This is partly the parents’ fault, and it may be for a number of reasons, such as:

    · Too much control (“Do this, don’t do that”) in major and minor matters alike, even if the matter does not warrant it, so that the child loses her spontaneity and this makes her lose confidence in her actions, and instead she always waits for someone to correct her and reassure her that she is doing the right thing.

    · Blaming and criticizing her for everything she does, seeking out her faults and rebuking her if she makes a mistake, so that she is blamed and rebuked more than she deserves at the time when she is expecting praise for her efforts. This destroys the child’s motivation to act or to compete in doing anything and doing it well.

    · Not giving the child the opportunity to speak in front of others for fear that she may make a mistake or speak of things that are not desirable, or else allowing her to speak but telling her what she should say.

    · Giving her too many warnings about danger, which will make her always expect the worst and imagine that she is surrounded by danger on all sides.

    · Putting her down or comparing her to others, which makes her think that she has no worth.
    · Making fun of her and mocking her.
    · Not paying attention to her questions.
    · Paying too much attention in a manner that shows excessive worry about her health or her future.

    Lack of self-confidence has many negative effects on the child, such as:

    1- She will not be able to do anything independently, and if she is asked to bring something and finds that it differs from the description given, she will be hesitant; if she is faced with a problem she will be unable to take a decision.

    2- She will become dull-witted and not creative.

    3- She will start to complain and feel unhappy whenever anything is asked of her, because she thinks that she will be blamed for whatever she does and that she will not be able to do it in the manner required.

    4- She will become weak-willed and will have no resolve, and she will feel meek and apathetic in situations where such attitudes are not appropriate, and will become neglectful and disorganized.

    5- She will suffer anxiety and frustration, and will develop a hostile attitude or a tendency to become introverted and withdrawn.

    In order to avoid these negative effects on the child, parents should use a number of ways to develop the child’s self-confidence. Some examples follow, but this is not a complete list:

    · They should draw up some general guidelines to follow by telling her what Allaah has made permissible, which she may do, and what He has forbidden, which she must avoid. They should make her aware of noble attributes and good manners, and instill in her a dislike for bad manners, deeds and words, and the need to steer clear of trivial matters. Then after that they should give her the freedom to act on her own initiative.

    · The mother should assign her some tasks that she is able to do. If she makes a mistake the mother should praise her for her initiative and encourage her, then tell her what she should have done. Sometimes she should just praise her for her efforts, then complete the work in a gentle manner, without telling her directly. If the task is not something that the child is able to do, then the mother may do it and consult the child and ask for her opinion, and let the child state what she thinks is good and is not, so that the child will realize that everyone is vulnerable to making mistakes but also gets things right sometimes. This will strengthen her resolve.

    · The parents should try to praise the child in front of her relatives and friends, and give her rewards commensurate with her efforts. They should praise her for the acts of worship that she does, such as praying regularly, memorizing Qur’aan, doing well in her studies, having a good attitude, and so on.

    · They should give her a nickname that will distinguish her from others, but they should not allow anyone to call her by a bad nickname. If she makes them angry they should call her by her real name, so that she will realize that she has fallen short in her duty to one or both of them, or that she has wronged somebody, so that she will realize that.

    · Strengthening her will-power, by getting her used to two things, namely:

    (a) Keeping secrets: when she knows how to keep secrets and not divulge them, then her will-power will develop and grow stronger, and thus her self-confidence will increase.

    (b) Getting her used to fasting, for when she stands firm in the face of hunger and thirst when fasting, she will feel the joy of achieving victory over her nafs (self), which will strengthen her will-power when facing life, which in turn will increase her self-confidence.

    · Strengthening her confidence in dealing with other people. This may be done by getting her to do housework, obeying the parents’ commands, and letting her sit with the adults and get together with other youngsters.

    · Strengthening her confidence in gaining knowledge, by teaching her the Qur’aan and the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and his Seerah (biography), so that she will grow up having acquired abundant knowledge in childhood, so that she will have a sense of confidence in the knowledge that she has, because she will have gained the basic principles of true knowledge, far removed from myths and legends.

    On the other hand, the parents must also take some precautions and take effective measures to save the child from feeling inadequate. Some of the things that cause a child to feel inadequate are: belittling her, humiliating her and mocking her, such as calling her by offensive names and words in front of her siblings and relatives, or even in front of her friends or in front of strangers whom she has never met before. These are matters which may make her regard herself as insignificant and worthless, or may generate psychological complexes that will make her look at others with hatred and dislike, and make her withdraw into herself in order to escape from life.
    Even if the offensive words that slip from the parents’ tongues are only for the purpose of disciplining the child for some mistake, great or small, it is not right to use this method to correct her, as this will have a bad effect on the child’s psyche and personal conduct, and it will make her accustomed to the language of condemnation and insult that will destroy her psychologically and morally.

    The best way of dealing with this problem is to explain to the child, in a gentle manner, where she has gone wrong and to give her proof that will convince her to avoid the mistake in future; the parents should not scold her, and certainly not in front of others. The parents should use good methods in correcting her from the outset, following the example of the Messenger SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in the way he reformed and trained people and corrected their mistakes. For the child is very sensitive and readily influenced, irrational and helpless. Building the child’s self-confidence is the first step in building her personality through all stages of life.

    From Tanshi’at al-Fataat al-Muslimah by Hanaan ‘Atiyah al-Toori al-Juhani, p. 163

    comment:

    Although the questioner is woman and asking about the daughter, the same can be applied with the son. Another thing to watch out for is that even if the parents aren't doing these negative things then others (older siblings, relatives) might be doing them, so the parents have stop that.

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    Default Ten Things To Hand Down To Your Daughter

    Ten Things To Hand Down To Your Daughter

    (1) Knowledge of and love for Allah and His Deen (Islam)

    This is one of the most precious and enduring gifts you can pass down to your daughter, one that will benefit her in this life and the next.

    (2) Memorization of the Quran.

    No matter how little you have memorized yourself, push your daughter to memorize as much she can. Encourage her and help her to revise. It will stand her in good stead in her life and will be a source of reward for you after your death as well.

    (3) A good example of Muslim womanhood.

    Most girls look to their mothers for Guidance. Embody the characteristics of a strong, faithful Muslimah and she will be inspired to follow your example.

    (4) A sense of self-worth and self-esteem

    Instill a sense of confidence in your child by encouraging her skills, talents and personality to develop. Make her feel secure in her identity and show her that she is loved and appreciated. This will have a positive impact on her future relationships and how she interacts with the world.

    (5) A sense of modesty

    Instill a love for proper Hijab in your daughter and encourage her to be modest, never boastful or conceited, in all areas of her life.

    (6) Your language

    If you speak Arabic be sure to teach it to her so that she has the key to the understanding of the Quran. Also, if you have a mother tongue or speak a second language yourself, pass it on: a second or third language is always an asset, whether in study, work or social environment.

    (7) A skill that you have

    If you are an avid gardener, knitter or love painting, pass your skill onto your daughter. With so many traditional skills being lost in today's fast-paced world, you owe it to her to share your knowledge and pass it on to the next generation.

    (8) Your favorite recipes

    Yes, teach your daughter how to cook! Be it from a cookbook, an original recipe or passed down from your mother or even your grandmother, we all have our own trademark recipes: pass them on to your daughter and encourage her to develop some specialties of her own.

    (9) Housekeeping skills

    Instill good housekeeping habits in all your children and encourage them to take pride in a neat and tidy home. Pass any tricks or shortcuts on so that your daughter is well-equipped when she has a home of her own.

    (10) Your family history

    Give her a sense of her roots and heritage by sharing your family story with her. Acquaint her with her family tree and teach her the lessons learned by the different generations. Hopefully, she will do the same with her children, Insha'Allah.

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    Choosing a School and Friends for your Child

    by: ‘Abdus-Salaam bin ‘Abdillaah As-Sulaymaan

    [From an upcoming Al-Ibaanah publication: "Raising Children in Light of the Qur'aan and Sunnah" by 'Abdus-Salaam As-Sulaymaan. The book was introduced and commended by Shaikh Saalih Al-Fawzaan.]

    5. Choosing a School:

    The father should strive to carefully choose a good school for his child, thus selecting the one that is of the finest quality and not necessarily the one that is closest to him. He should also ask those involved in the field of teaching and educating, who are sincere and honest, as to which of the schools is the best.

    School has a deep impact on a student since it is there that he spends a quarter of his day – which is in fact the best time of the day. In the school he learns and is educated, and that is the place where he finds friends and companions.

    So based on this, the father must keep a close connection with the school by going to visit it, staying in contact with it by phone and asking about the state of his son or daughter. He should be concerned with asking about his child’s character, behavior and friends before asking about his grades.

    He should also follow up on his child’s educational development and studies, and check his notes and homework and be aware of the remarks the teacher makes to his child’s work so that he may correct it.

    So your concern with your child’s studies and your solid relationship with his school, his teachers, his schoolwork, and his levels of education is good that will assist in his well-being and learning, by the will of Allaah.

    6. Choosing a Friend:

    From the things in which there is no doubt is that a friend has a profound effect on an individual – whether positive or negative. Sufficient to clarify this point is the statement of the Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) when he said: “The example of the righteous companion and the evil companion is like that of a seller of musk and a blacksmith.” [Reported by Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]

    The Prophet (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) also said: “A man is upon the religion of his close friend, so let each of you look into whom he takes as a close friend.” [Reported by Abu Dawood]

    Therefore, O father, it is incumbent upon you to look for a good friend and a sincere companion for your child before he chooses one on his own, for he may choose the wrong ones and then grow attached to them, after which it will be hard for you to separate them.

    There are many accounts, too numerous to be recorded, in which children were raised in good environments and in conservative households but ended up mixing with bad companions on the pretext that they were going on a trip or an outing with them or using the excuse that they wanted to play with them or have fun with them or study with them. And the end result of this was that they had a negative effect on them.

    In these days it is extremely difficult for a father to raise his child in exclusion of friends. Trials and temptations constantly surround the youth from all directions.

    Bad friends can either be people who are engulfed in their desires or in misconceptions. If they are those who are given into whims and desires, they will lead your child towards mischief and a digression from good character. As for those who follow misconceptions, they will lead your child towards innovations and opposing the guidance of the pious predecessors (Salaf as-Saalih). Perhaps he may even fall into the acts of declaring Muslims disbelievers and innovators. This particularly applies to the members of those methodologies that are foreign to this country (i.e. Saudi Arabia), as has occurred to some of our youth, may Allaah guide them and return them back to the truth.

    In conclusion, I ask Allaah to rectify for all of us our intentions and offspring, and that He forgive our parents, granting them the best of rewards on our behalf. I ask Allaah to assist us in being dutiful to them during their lives as well as after their deaths.

    I also ask Allaah to aid us in raising our children upon the Qur’aan and the Sunnah and to make them righteous offspring and an enjoyment to our eyes in this life by, through their uprightness, and after death, through their righteous deeds.

    SOURCE: Tarbiyat-ul-Awlaad fee Daw’-il-Kitaabi was-Sunnah (pg. 65-68)
    Published on: February 27, 2007
    Hasad

    A sign of hasad (blameworthy envy) is to feel happy when your brother (in Islaam) makes a mistake, misses a class or when he is backbitten. Trying to prove one is wrong is from hasad. Changing the meaning of ones' speech (giving a false understanding) to make him look bad is also from hasad.

    Another sign is to hear him give a benefit, then you take it to another gathering and use it as if it were your own.

    Knowledge is to fear Allaah. Not having it is a cause to enter the hellfire. The first to enter the Fire are those who seek knowledge for fame.


    Excerpts taken from Shaykh Muhammad al Maalikees'
    Via Pal Talk 6/29/02 & 7/01/02

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    Default Grand Mufti warns parents about influences on their children

    Grand Mufti warns parents about influences on their children

    MUHAMMAD AL-MISBAHI - 11 January 2011

    JEDDAH: The government has taken a “wise” decision to call for the return to the Kingdom of the 47 most wanted suspects, said Sheikh Abdul Aziz Bin Abdullah Aal Al-Sheikh, Grand Mufti of the Kingdom, President of the Board of Senior Ulama and Religious Research and Ifta Administrations.

    The list of 47 Saudis was announced by the Ministry of Interior on Sunday.

    “The Kingdom’s stance toward them is wise and aims to show mercy and pity toward them and [to help them] remove whatever is clouding their vision and thinking.”

    The Grand Mufti said many of those who have taken up deviant ideas are young people who have not yet matured. This has made it easy for certain groups and individuals to lure them into this destructive way of thinking.

    Aal Al-Sheikh called on parents to watch their children and see who their friends are, because sometimes their companions could be a danger to them.

    He stressed that Islam has not created such persons. It is a religion of peace. He emphasized that Allah sent His Prophet (peace be upon him) as a mercy for mankind, jinn and all that exists.



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    22 tips for parents on keeping Muslim teens Muslim



    Sound Vision has talked to parents, Imams, activists and Muslims who have grown up in the West to ask what are some practical things parents can do to help Muslim teens maintain their Deen. These are some of their suggestions:

    Tip #1: Take parenting more seriously than you would a full-time job

    This means both parents must understand their children are a trust from Allah, and He will ask how they were raised. If the children do not grow up practicing Islam because of their parents' negligence, it is not going to be pretty in this life or the next.

    Tip #2: Reduce or change work hours and exchange them for time with the family

    It is better to have one full-time job, fewer luxuries in the house (i.e. more cars, expensive clothes, a bigger, fancier home) and more time with the family, than many material things and absent parents. This goes for mothers AND fathers. Parents can't instill values in their children if they just aren't there, period. Quit that extra job on the weekends or in the evenings and instead drive the kids to the mosque for Halaqas and activities instead. Or consider switching shifts at work so that you're home when the kids are.

    Tip #3: Read the Quran, understanding its meaning, for five minutes every day

    Just five minutes. Whether it's in the car during a traffic jam, early morning after Fajr, or right before you go to bed, read the Quran with a translation and/or Tafseer. Then watch the snowball effect. You will, Insha Allah, reconnect with Allah, and in the long run, develop into a role model helping your whole family, not just your teen, reconnect with Him too.

    Tip #4: Attend a weekly Halaqa

    Trade playing cards or watching television on Sunday afternoons for a Halaqa. If you don't have something already in place during that time slot, help the Imam to set one up. Attend it vigilantly. The added bonus of this is that when children see their parents striving to learn about Islam, they will in many cases be encouraged to do the same.
    Tip #5: Respect your teen

    Respecting your teen means not treating them like inept babies, but like maturing adults, not talking down to them or humiliating and insulting them. It means involving them in useful activities around the home and seeking their opinions on matters of importance.

    Tip #6: Take an interest in what they do

    Does Noor play hockey in an all-girls' sports league? Attend Noor's games as regularly as possible. Does Ihsan collect stamps? See if you can find old letters from your parents in Malaysia or Lebanon and pass the stamps on them to her. Does Muhsin love building websites? Visit his site, post a congratulatory e-mail on the message board and offer some suggestions for the site. Give him a book on advanced web design as Eid gift.

    Tip #7: Be aware of problems and address them straightforwardly

    As you spend more time with your teen, you will be more able to sense if there is something bothering them. Don't brush this feeling under the carpet. Address it straight on. But don't do this in the family meeting or n in front of others. Do it during the next tip.

    Tip #8: "Date" your teenager

    While dating is commonly associated with boy-girl social meetings, the concept can be extended to any meeting between two people wanting to get to know each other better.

    It's especially important to "date" your children on an individual level once they hit their teens because they are no longer just "one of the kids". They are young adults who need attention and guidance on an individual level. You can go out on a "date" when Sumayya graduates from high school (instead of going to the prom), when Ahmed gets his driver's license or if you feel there is something bothering them and you want to address them alone.

    Tip #9: Don't just be your teen's parent, be his or her partner

    Making them a partner means giving them responsibilities within the family. Get 16 year old Amir, who just got his driver's license, to help his mom with grocery shopping on Saturday's; get 15 year old Jasmine, who loves flowers, to be responsible for the garden and mowing the lawn. This way, teens will feel a part of the family, included and needed.

    Tip #10: Build a Masjid in your home

    Delegate a room, part of the basement or the living room as the home Masjid. You can do this for less than $25.

    Make this Masjid entirely the responsibility of the kids. Get the eldest to be in charge and to delegate responsibilities for younger siblings. Responsibilities include keeping the Masjid clean, waking people up for Fajr, calling the Adhan, etc.

    Tip #11: Don't practice "men's Islam"

    That means don't exclude wives or daughters from prayers. When the men are praying in Jamaah, make sure the women are either behind them or also praying in congregation. Make sure the Imam recites the prayer loud enough for the women to hear if they are in another part of the house. Also, encourage women to pray in Jamaah if there are no men present.

    Tip #12: Establish an Islamic library and choose a librarian

    Equip your home with an Islamic library with books, video and audio cassettes about various aspects of Islam, catering to everyone's age and interests. If 13-year-old Bilal likes adventure novels, for example, make sure you have a couple of Islamic adventure books

    Get one of your teens to be the librarian. S/he keeps materials organized and in good condition. Any requests for materials to be added to the collection have to go through him or her. Give this librarian a monthly budget for ordering new books, cassettes, etc.

    Tip#13: Take them out.....to Islamic activities

    Instead of a fancy dinner at a restaurant, save your money to take everyone out to the next Muslim community dinner or activity. Make a special effort to go to events where other Muslim teens will be present and the speaker caters his/her message to this crowd.

    It's also important to regularly take Bilal and Humayra to Islamic camps and conferences where they will meet other Muslim kids their age on a larger scale.

    Tip #14: Move to a racially and religiously mix neighborhood in your city

    If your children can interact with Muslim as well as non-Muslim children on a daily basis, it is going to be healthier for their growth. May be a move closer to a masjid is going to help as well.

    Tip #15 : Help teens start their own youth group

    After living in a Muslim neighborhood and attending Islamic activities regularly, teens in many cases will develop a friendship with other Muslims their age. Don't let this end here.

    Help them establish a youth group, not just to learn about Islam, but to go to the amusement park together, go swimming, etc. Have meetings at members' houses on a weekly or bimonthly basis. Get this group involved in useful work like cleaning up litter around the Masjid or visiting senior citizens' homes.This group must have parental supervision, although teens' decision-making powers should not be interfered with unless really necessary.

    Tip #16: Establish a TV-free evening and monitor TV watching in general

    Parents' biggest competitor for their children's attention is the T.V. Sound Vision's unTV guide. Monitoring what everyone watches simply means taking care to remind and help everyone avoid shows which depict sex, violence and encourage unIslamic activities. Put up a list of acceptable and unacceptable shows on the wall beside the T.V.

    Establishing TV-free evenings means having one evening of the week when no one, adult, teen or child is allowed to watch television. Hopefully, this is a first step towards general TV reduction in the home. This is an ideal time to have the next tip.

    Tip #17: Have weekly family meetings

    The purpose: to find out what is going on in everyone's lives and to consult the family on important issues. Hanan started attending a Halaqa, Imran just returned from a Muslim youth camp, Bilal aced the last algebra test. The point is not to just give this news in point form. It's to elicit discussion and communication between everyone, and to keep up-to-date about what is going on in everyone's life, which gets harder when kids become teenagers.

    This is also the place to consult the family and decide on major issues affecting everyone: a move to another city; a marriage of one of the family members; difficulties with a bully in school, etc.

    Please note: Shura in the family does not mean a majority vote determines what to do about a situation. While the parents remain in charge, teens and younger children voice opinions and suggestions parents will consider in making a final decision about a matter.

    Tip #18: Have "Halal Fun night" once a month

    "Fun is Haram" is a joke sometimes heard amongst Muslim youth, mocking the attitude of some Muslims for whom virtually anything enjoyable is automatically labeled Haram (forbidden).

    Islamic entertainment is a much neglected area of Muslim concern. Islamic songs, skits, etc. are a viable tool for the transmission of Islam. Maybe 16-year-old Jameel knows how to play the Duff, while his sister Amira, 14, can write and sing well. Let them present their own Islamic song to the whole family. Or h

    ave 12-year-old Ridwan recite some of his best poetry. Make one of the teens in charge of this event. Help them establish a criteria of acceptable and unacceptable Halal entertainment.

    Tip #19: Provide the right role models-What would Abu Bakr have done?

    Apart from being a role model yourself by trying to practice Islam, make sure you provide teens with reading material about the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) and his Companions (Sahaba), both the men and the women. Otherwise, the characters on the programs your kids watch on television may become their "Sahabas".

    Discuss what a Companion may have done in a situation relevant to teens' lives. What would Abu Bakr Siddiq do if he saw a someone selling answers to the grade 11 math final exam? What would Aisha have done is she was confronted with the opportunity to cheat her parents?

    Tip #20: Read books on Positive Parenting

    These can be books written by Muslims, but even books by non-Muslims can help. However, just be ready and make sure you are able to identify what is Islamically acceptable versus what is not.

    Tip #21: Get them married early

    The societies of the West are permeated by sex: on TV, billboards, on the streets, buses, in movies, etc. A Muslim teenager facing this is in a tough position: succumb to the temptations or try really, really hard not to. Getting them married early (check out some tips for parents) will ease the pressure, and they don't have to stop their studies to do this. Remember, as a parent you will also be partly responsible if your son or daughter wanted to marry, you stopped them and they ended up having sex outside of marriage. You should also remember when undertaking this step not to force your son or daughter to marry someone they do not like.

    Tip #22: Last but not least-Make Dua

    Make Dua. It is really Allah who guides and misguides, but if you've done your job as a parent, Insha Allah, keeping your teen a practicing Muslim will be easier to do than if you had neglected this duty. As well, make Dua for your teen in front of them. This reminds them how much you love them and your concern for them.

    http://www.soundvision.com/article/22-tips-for-parents-on-keeping-muslim-teens-muslim

  7. #7
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    12 quick but highly effective ways for Muslim parents to inspire manners to their children


    2017

    Now here is his 12 tips on how to inspire manners to your children:

    1.
    When entering the house greet your children with salams and kisses. This should help develop their sense of love and mercy.


    2.
    Be good to your neighbours and never backbite. Never speak ill of other drivers when on the road. Your children listen, absorb and emulate.


    3.
    When calling your parents, encourage your children to speak to them. When visiting you parents take your children with you. The more they see you take care of your parents the more they will learn to take care of you.


    4.
    When driving them say to school, don’t always play albums or cds (even if my cds!). Rather, tell them the stories yourself. This will have a greater impact – trust me!


    5.
    Read to them a short hadith a day – it doesn’t take much time, but very impactful in creating strong bonds and wonderful memories.


    6.
    Comb your hair, clean your teeth and wear presentable cloths even if sitting at home and not going out for the day. They need to learn that being clean and tidy has nothing to do with going out!


    7.
    Try not to blame or comment on every word or action they say or do. Learn to overlook and let go sometimes. This certainly builds their self-confidence.


    8.
    Ask your children’s permission before entering their rooms. They will learn to do the same when wanting to enter others room.


    9.
    Apologize to your children if you made a mistake. Apologizing teaches them to be humble and polite.


    10.
    Don’t be sarcastic or make fun of their views or feelings, even if you “didn’t mean it” and was “only joking”. It really hurts.


    11.
    Show respect to your children’s privacy. Its important for their sense of value and self-esteem.


    12.
    Don’t expect that they will listen or understand the first time. Don’t take it personally. Muhammad ‏ﷺ never did. But be patient and consistent.


    Take a moment and reflect on these pointers to find out what we are doing right and what we ought to do better. Remember Muslim parents, we will be held accountable for how we raised our children. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

    “Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and his children and she is responsible for them. The servant of a man is a guardian of the property of his master and he is responsible for it. No doubt, every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.”
    [Sahih al-Bukhari 6719, Sahih Muslim 1829]

    May Allāh Azzawajal guide the parents to raise the children righteously and make the children obedient.

    http://muslimcouncil.org.hk/12-quick...heir-children/


 

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