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Thread: Parenting TIPs

  1. #1
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    Toronto, On, Canada

    Default Parenting TIPs

    Assalamu alaikum wr wb

    Not a lot of people have posted in here in a long time, not much activity nor participants in here.

    I'm assuming there is a good portion of us though that fall into the "Parenting" range stage, that we were once young frequenting on here, and now we're reaching that age of maturity in which we're all starting our own families and for those of us that already have children, and the ages range in from little babies to young teens and such, I'm sure we all have some advice to pass onto others, sharing our pros and cons of it, and even just sharing our experiences with each other.

    I've always found talking about how we raise our children, not necessarily in exact details that we all follow that one method style of way. But, more in the sense that well, for example. My friend had trouble putting her baby to sleep, she tried all of it. The pacing, and driving at night etc, and putting the baby into her carseat and putting her on top of the dryer, etc none of those worked. And finally, she settled on one thing of playing some lullabyes, or nasheeds, or qur'an and that would soothe the baby to sleep, and help calm her down.

    Another felt that if she wore one favorite t-shirt a lot, wore it to the point that she sweat in it, and her total smell was in it. She could easily put it around her baby, then go and get all her work done in the house because that little baby, (only works if it's a little baby....) that she'll get it done without her baby crying to be in her arms all day long.

    My method of style is I tell my kids honestly what I need them to do. When they're crying I tell them honestly without all the baby talk, "Look....I can't understand you with all that whining. Wipe your tears, calm down a bit, take a deep breath and just talk to me, tell me exactly what you're looking for and how I can help you. I won't talk to you until then." then I'll leave and they'll follow me, as they wipe their tears and trying to ask me something of some sort of wanting something. Depends though.

    I'm looking for those parenting tips....like how do you deal with someone that decides to not allow their children to grow at their own pace and have their own sense of imagination and sense of style compared to your own children?

    What I mean is that I like my children to grow at their own pace, and have their own sense of sensibility of being their own person, without them following a certain set of people to be a certain way. They need to find their own personality, and be their own person. Yet, it's so hard these days in the society when they have peer pressures from all around...negatively and positively. But, still.....they tend to have a lot of judgment from people, muslims and non muslims and especially the muslims , well some of them that seem to think they know it all, and feel it is their duty to tell you so.
    SO, if these children wish to have their own sense of being, they will be told that they can't because Islam does not allow one to have a sense of their own rope, which is wrong.
    All those mixed signals is just going to push them further away, rather than bring them closer, no matter what anyone thinks, do's or says.
    Allahu Knows best.....
    Patience & Understanding is the key to happiness. Is it not time to remember & trust in Allah?
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    F/T mom of 2 boys, & a girl->

  2. #2
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    21° 30' N, 39° 10' E


    Kids like to test their boundaries. If they get away with something once, they'll expand the boundary next time. It's one of those "if you give them an inch, they'll take a mile" situations.

    The most import thing as a parent is to keep your kids in check and not let them anywhere near the boundary, by being proactive parents.

  3. #3
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    Sep 2001


    Quote Originally Posted by UmmIby View Post
    My method of style is I tell my kids honestly what I need them to do. When they're crying I tell them honestly without all the baby talk, "Look....I can't understand you with all that whining. Wipe your tears, calm down a bit, take a deep breath and just talk to me, tell me exactly what you're looking for and how I can help you. I won't talk to you until then." then I'll leave and they'll follow me, as they wipe their tears and trying to ask me something of some sort of wanting something. Depends though.
    That sounds like me I prefer telling my daughter that she needs to be able to talk to me if she wants something as I can't understand what she wants if she just cries ...

    Hmmm, I'm not sure if I can give you many parenting tips as my daughter is only 4 and I've still got a long way to go. What I can say is that kids watch your every move and listen very attentively and if you're teaching them something, you've got to lead by example as they're bound to tell you that you told them 'such and such' but you're doing the opposite.
    A pirate was captured & brought before Alexander the Great. Alexander asked the pirate: 'How dare you molest the people?' The pirate replied:'And how dare you molest the entire world? I am called a thief because I do it with a little ship only. You do it with a great navy & you are called an Emperor!'
    Under this scenario, powerless people doing trivial acts are the major terrorists of the world whilst major powers perpetrating terrorism in many parts of the world are the civilised barbarians.

  4. #4
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    I always find it's hard to discipline kids in Ramadan. I particularly don't feel like spending my day, while fasting, screaming at and threatening the kids to behave. What are we supposed to do when they misbehave? Reasoning, discussing, pleading, rewards, punishment, nagging - nothing works. I'm talking about for young kids here - under 7. Do we just ignore the misbehavior and be patient? I'm beginning to think that that's what we have to do...

    “Say: O My slaves who have transgressed against themselves! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” (39:53)

  5. #5
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    Default Enforcing bedtimes improves kids' health

    Enforcing bedtimes improves kids' health

    Story Highlights
    •Setting bedtimes can improve sleep quality and quantity for infants and toddlers

    •Study: Families from lower-educated backgrounds are less likely to use bedtimes

    •Don't medicate kids to help them go to sleep, researchers warn

    By Madison Park

    (CNN) -- When Genevieve and Brian Skory were new to parenting, they allowed their two young kids to read or watch TV until they fell asleep.

    A child's bedtime routine could affect his or her sleep pattern throughout a lifetime, a researcher said.

    "It was an agitated frenzy until they would pass out," Genevieve Skory recalled. The weary parents broke up fights between their bickering children. The next morning, the house would be chaotic again. "I don't think it's good for kids to stay up until they fall asleep -- that's three hours later than they needed to go to sleep," she said.

    Setting bedtimes can improve sleep quality and quantity for infants and toddlers, according to a growing body of research. Not getting enough sleep affects children's behavior, memory, attention, and emotional well-being, experts said.

    Tired of the chaos in the house, the Skorys started to enforce bedtime every night at 9. About an hour before bedtime, she restricts her children's use of TV and computers and instructs them to prepare for bedtime.

    "Everyone is happier in the morning when there's a bedtime," Skory said. Research suggests there are additional benefits for children who have bedtimes.

    "Sleep patterns and sleep routines matter because they have both long-term and short-term implications for health and cognitive development," said Lauren Hale, an assistant professor of preventive medicine at Stony Brook University Medical Center in Stony Brook, New York. "If it sets a pattern in the way you treat sleep or bedtimes, these patterns may last your whole life unknowingly."

    Hale is one of the authors of a new study published online in the Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics this month that found that black and Hispanic families and those with lower levels of income and education were less likely to enforce regular bedtimes for children. This could play a role in health disparities, she said.

    How much sleep do you need?

    • Birth - 2 months old need 10.5 - 18 hours


    •3 - 11 months old need 9 - 12 hours (and additional naps)


    • 1 - 3 years old need 12 - 14 hours

    • 3 - 5 years old need 11 - 13 hours

    • 5 - 12 years old need 10 - 11 hours

    Adolescents need at least 8.5 - 9.25 hours

    Adults typically need 7 - 9 hours

    Source: National Sleep Foundation

    "What we find is that disadvantaged populations or lower-education populations have worse health outcomes and it turns out they have worse sleep problems," she said.

    The data didn't show why these families were less likely to use children's bedtimes. It could be related to the stress levels and fewer routines in the households, Hale said.

    "Parents in those households, many of which are below poverty line, tend to be single-mother households, and they may be more burdened in many more ways than a traditional nuclear family," she said. Another possibility is that the parents may not be aware of the health benefits of regular bedtime routines.

    In a sample of 3,217 households, in which three-quarters of the children were born to unmarried mothers, about 67 percent used a bedtime. Of the 67 percent, only about half put their 3-year-olds to bed before 9 p.m.

    Toddlers between the age of 1 and 3 need 12 to 14 hours of sleep. Children who lack sleep can have behavioral and emotional problems and cognitive developmental issues, sleep researchers said.

    About 71 percent of the sample reported using bedtime routines.

    Such routines, such as a bath or a soothing activity, cuddling or singing a lullaby, help infants sleep better through the night and improve sleep issues for children, according to another study.

    "Instituting a routine helped children fall asleep faster at bedtime," said Jodi Mindell, an author of that study published in a May edition of the journal Sleep.

    In that study, 405 mothers and their infants or toddlers under the age of 3 were randomly assigned to a bedtime routine or instructed to follow their usual habits. The mothers recorded daily sleep diaries and filled out questionnaires every week. The researchers found that moods improved after using the bedtime routine.

    Parents mean well, but some mistakenly believe that keeping their babies up late will help them sleep, said Mindell, an associate director of the Sleep Center at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia.

    "They think that if they keep them up late, they'll conk out, that they'll be exhausted and they'll sleep better," she said. "And it backfires. We know that overtired babies take longer to fall asleep and they wake more frequently at night."

    If children have difficulty falling asleep, parents should not turn to medication, experts said.

    "Don't do it," warned Mindell. "Even in severely neurologically impaired kids, that is our third, fourth, or fifth choice. You really want to institute behavior changes first. ... [Medication is] not a panacea and there are so many concerns about side effects."

    Using drugs such as Benadryl to help a child sleep may mask underlying problems, added Kelly Byars, director of the Behavioral Sleep Medicine Program at Cincinnati Children's Hospital in Ohio.

    "It may be helpful for some children in a short-term situation, but in some cases children have a paradoxical reaction to Benadryl and become more alert, irritable, and hyperactive which leads to worse sleep problems," he wrote.

    In many homes, bedtime still remains a battle of wills between parents and children.

    In their bustling household in Lathrup Village, Michigan, the four Skory children are now between the ages of 9 and 18. Genevieve Skory doesn't get the crying, temper tantrums or massive resistance anymore, but her younger kids still try to stay up late by peppering her with questions and last-minute requests for snacks.

    But Skory is adamant that bedtime is non-negotiable and this isn't enforced solely for their children's health.

    "I believe in bedtime for parents' mental health," she said with a laugh.

    “Say: O My slaves who have transgressed against themselves! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” (39:53)

  6. #6
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    Jan 2007


    Parents: Check Your Kid’s Texts for these 28 Acronyms, and What They Mean


    If you think you are tech savvy all because you know what “LOL” means, let me test your coolness.

    Any idea what “IWSN” stands for in Internet slang?

    It’s a declarative statement: I want sex now.

    If it makes you feel any better, I had no clue, and neither did a number of women I asked about it.

    Acronyms are widely popular across the Internet, especially on social media and texting apps, because, in some cases, they offer a shorthand for communication that is meant to be instant.

    So “LMK” — let me know — and “WYCM” — will you call me? — are innocent enough.

    But the issue, especially for parents, is understanding the slang that could signal some dangerous teen behavior, such as “GNOC,'” which means “get naked on camera.”

    And it certainly helps for a parent to know that “PIR” means parent in room, which could mean the teen wants to have a conversation about things that his or her mom and dad might not approve of.

    Katie Greer is a national Internet safety expert who has provided Internet and technology safety training to schools, law enforcement agencies and community organizations throughout the country for more than seven years.

    She says research shows that a majority of teens believe that their parents are starting to keep tabs on their online and social media lives.

    “With that, acronyms can be used by kids to hide certain parts of their conversations from attentive parents,” Greer said. “Acronyms used for this purpose could potentially raise some red flags for parents.”

    But parents would drive themselves crazy, she said, if they tried to decode every text, email and post they see their teen sending or receiving.

    “I’ve seen some before and it’s like ‘The Da Vinci Code,’ where only the kids hold the true meanings (and most of the time they’re fairly innocuous),” she said.

    Still, if parents come across any acronyms they believe could be problematic, they should talk with their kids about them, said Greer.

    But how, on earth, is a parent to keep up with all these acronyms, especially since new ones are being introduced every day?

    “It’s a lot to keep track of,” Greer said. Parents can always do a Google search if they stumble upon an phrase they aren’t familiar with, but the other option is asking their children, since these phrases can have different meanings for different people.

    “Asking kids not only gives you great information, but it shows that you’re paying attention and sparks the conversation around their online behaviors, which is imperative.”

    Micky Morrison, a mom of two in Islamorada, Florida, says she finds Internet acronyms “baffling, annoying and hilarious at the same time.”

    She’s none too pleased that acronyms like “LOL” and “OMG” are being adopted into conversation, and already told her 12-year-old son — whom she jokingly calls “deprived,” since he does not have a phone yet — that acronym talk is not allowed in her presence.

    But the issue really came to a head when her son and his adolescent friends got together and were all “ignoring one another with noses in their phones,” said Morrison, founder of BabyWeightTV.

    “I announced my invention of a new acronym: ‘PYFPD.’ Put your freaking phone down.”


    But back to the serious issue at hand, below are 28 Internet acronyms, which I learned from Greer and other parents I talked with, as well as from sites such as NoSlang.com and NetLingo.com, and from Cool Mom Tech’s 99 acronyms and phrases that every parent should know.

    After you read this list, you’ll likely start looking at your teen’s texts in a whole new way.

    1. IWSN – I want sex now

    2. GNOC – Get naked on camera

    3. NIFOC – Naked in front of computer

    4. PIR – Parent in room

    5 CU46 – See you for sex

    6. 53X – Sex

    7. 9 – Parent watching

    8. 99 – Parent gone

    9. 1174′ – Party meeting place

    10. THOT – That hoe over there

    11. CID – Acid (the drug)

    12. Broken – Hungover from alcohol

    13. 420 – Marijuana

    14. POS – Parent over shoulder

    15. SUGARPIC – Suggestive or erotic photo

    16. KOTL – Kiss on the lips

    17. (L)MIRL – Let’s meet in real life

    18. PRON – Porn

    19. TDTM – Talk dirty to me

    20. 8 – Oral sex

    21. CD9 – Parents around/Code 9

    22. IPN – I’m posting naked

    23. LH6 – Let’s have sex

    24. WTTP – Want to trade pictures?

    25. DOC – Drug of choice

    26. TWD – Texting while driving

    27. GYPO – Get your pants off

    28. KPC- Keeping parents clueless



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